“I love you, and because I love you, I
would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for
telling you lies.” – Pietro Aretino
I did not teach
my kids about Santa Claus. They know about him, of course, but I did not teach
them that the joy of Christmas is found in a jolly man in a red suit.
There are big
decisions to be made in parenting, and the idea of Santa Claus is one of them –
to me, anyway. Let me explain.
I’m a single
mom. I have been a single mom almost all my maternal life. I take this with a
great sense of responsibility. I’ve always wanted my children to know that they
can trust me, that they can count on what I say. So when it came to what I
would tell them about Christmas, and Santa Claus, and how those stockings got
filled, I had to think.
I know some
parents get very into the idea of Santa Claus. Some stores even sell boot-print
kits that parents can sprinkle snow or soot into so parents can leave Santa’s
boot-prints behind to flesh out the ruse of Santa having visited the house. I’ve
spoken to parents who would leave a wrapped present on the roof, as if it had
fallen out of Santa’s sleigh and somehow manage to get their kid to spot it in
the morning. The parents would haul out a ladder, climb onto the roof, and oh! amazingly,
the gift would be for their child. Other parents hide presents until the night
before Christmas. After the child goes to bed, the presents appear under the
tree, “from Santa”.
I chose not to
do any of the above.
Instead, I asked
myself questions: Do I want to lie to my children? Do I want them to place
their faith in something that isn’t real? Why would I encourage the build-up
and belief of a lie to my children, when I teach them to be honest?
When kids are
little, they cannot distinguish between real and not real, between cartoon and
real life. This is why adults have to do it for them. And of course, as adults,
it can be hard for us to understand this sometimes (“but it’s a cartoon! Can’t you see that?” – No, actually, they can’t.). When a child is reared
with the notion that Santa Claus is real, believes that for years, and then
finds out that his parents lied to him, for years, that entire part of his
ideology is shaken…because he was asked to believe in something he had not
seen. There are songs about Santa. There are images of Santa. But Santa will
not come if the child is awake and waiting for him, so the child can only believe,
but can never see him. Do you see where I am going with this? This kid is being
conditioned to take on faith
something that turns out to be a lie. So when that child is also reared in the
church, is told about God, and His Son, and is asked to take this on faith as well, how – in the child’s
mind – will this not be a lie also? Why plant a doubt for the temporary
gratification of Santa Claus that will end, when Christmas can be so wonderfully enjoyed without Santa
Claus?
But religion is
not the only reason I did not teach my kids about Santa Claus.
The tags on the
presents beneath our Christmas tree are honest tags. The gifts are not from
Santa. These gifts were not created in a fantastical workshop in the North Pole. I
bought them for my children. My children know that they do not get presents
just for being good. There is no “naughty list” or “nice list”. Knowing those
niftily wrapped presents under the tree come from me lets them know there is no
gift fairy with a limitless budget who grants gift-wishes. My children appreciate
each gift they are given because they know the budget we live with.
I love the
Christmas season: the music, the decorations, and the spirit of generosity. So
when my kids were very young and were learning about Santa Claus with their
peers, I told them that Santa Claus was not an actual person, but was just an
idea. He was the idea of giving. People like to put faces on things, so they
made the idea into a person: Santa. (I also told them it was not up to them to
tell other kids Santa was not real.)